GET THAT COMPUTER READY GIRLS

If you are a friend of somebody reading this, and you are trying to talk them out of attempting internet dating. Please go join a charity and do good elsewhere. Advice from friends is always well-meant, they do not want see any harm come to you. They have probably seen you through the tough times in the past. Some will encourage you to go ahead and “just do it,” others will give you varying responses and advice. Depending on the friends you may get a lot of different advice

• “Why the hell aren’t you out there dating someone” oh this is the person who can only survive in a relationship and feels uncomfortable having you at a dinner party as a single person. It is unseemly to have odd numbers after all.
• “Goodness me, with your record! Should you really try again?” Oh Yes I know this one well, usually older than you, married to a less than awesome husband and likes to tear arms off little children. Whether you try again or not is your choice, not the choice of a well-meaning friend. I do believe you should wait till you are ready and think about some of the issues I talk about in chapter three.
• “Oh what are we going to do with the poor single girl,” Poor me! That is because you got out of an abusive relationship before it destroyed you, or left a cheating husband, or just were not happy and wanted better. Oh yes, POOR ME Of course you now have a collection of cats or dogs retrieved from animal shelters that have taken over your house leaving no possible room in your bed for a man.
• “I would not bother looking for anyone else. I would enjoy the freedom if I was single again or my husband passed,” Yes freedom is a wonderful thing and yes you can also have freedom in a good relationship. I am not talking about freedom to be with other partners, but freedom to have friends, hobbies, beliefs whilst still having the company of that special person. Only those who are sitting comfortably in their lovely homes with their families believe sitting at home with a bucket of ice-cream and a bag of potato chips on a Saturday night is more fun than having a partner to share life with. Not wanting to knock you girls who prefer to be alone all the times, but I am not sure if you would be reading this, if being alone is what you really wanted. Remember you started reading the Blog.
• “Aren’t you getting too old to look now,” I love this one as I just married a couple in their 80’s. I asked the bride what prompted her to marry again at her age? Well she said,” I was planning to move back to Sydney to look after my grandchildren. My daughter was adamant that I move down so she could care for me. But I really love the coast, and came to love Tom’s company. We go to bowls together, and love each other’s company. Besides, in life you can sit at the table for dinner alone or choose to sit and share with someone else. I choose the latter.” I thought this was a true statement….
• “Don’t do it is dangerous, I have heard about so many scams on the news.” The people who sling around these statements are often the cause that of people not revealing that they are internet dating. Not revealing what you are doing or who you might be speaking too does not give you a great starting point for safety. When your mum and dad went to dances and places to meet, nightclubs etc. They probably did not know the people whom they were meeting either. But because they were in groups it was much safer. Openly being able to share with girlfriends some of the things that might confuse you is a great way to stay safe. Give them this blog and tell them you need their lifetime knowledge as assistance. Get them to help you with your profile. Sometimes it is a friend’s idea of you that stands out more than what we think of yourself. If that guy is starting to talk about or ask about things you are uncomfortable with, ask your friend’s opinion. Remember we discuss the internet safety of our children and then often don’t follow through to look after ourselves.

“I would just wait till I meet someone the normal way,” OH YES, There is a great chance of you meeting someone on the bus or the train, at a nightclub, at your friends couples parties etc. Friends are probably always setting you up on blind dates after all. Life is a smorgasbord of delectable choices, just waiting to appear. FACE IT, you would not be reading this blog if there was a huge number of prospects lining up to meet you. I work as a celebrant, “Can you see the issue here for meeting men?” In most cases the ones I meet were already marrying someone else, even on occasion when I wondered where they had been my whole life. (Just kidding, but seriously who could have been George Clooney’s celebrant and not thought that? ) OK still out of the question, let’s say. I don’t drink a lot, so nightclubbing and bars are not a great place to go and relax and be myself. I have no need to travel on the bus, or train. I tried joining a Salsa class once for both fitness and thinking it would be a place to meet people in general. I have an extra five girlfriends now and we spend a lot of time reminiscing over that group of suave guys with their slicked back hair who are there primarily to show off their Salsa skills and pick up chicks. There is usually a three to one ratio of women to men. Any clubs you can join can also help you meet men, but knitters clubs and crochet clubs are not best for that. The most you can hope for is one of them saying their son or grandson would be just perfect for you. He has not left the couch in 10 years and still lives with his mother. I also had a daughter at home  and you may have children still in the nest and time is not easy to come by. Sitting at home looking at reading on the net was both safer and easier for a single mother to search anyhow. Men will state if they mind children or even already have children. This can also make a difference to your choices. I don’t think many people walk up to a stranger in a bar and say, “So I would like children in the future, How about you?” Of course when it comes to meeting that person there are important safety things any mother or parent needs to consider and I will also talk about that later.